My children are grown and gone. I now have adult grandchildren. And still that voice so many mothers recognize accuses me. It’s that voice that says, “You weren’t a good mom, and you still aren’t.”
I read various posts recently about raising children, including She Believed She Couldn’t by Sarah E. Frazer. And the one thread that coming through was how widespread and active that lying voice is.
Throughout motherhood days it shouts, “You can’t do it Mom!”
You’re a bad mom, too impatient, too hard (or too easy), too nagging, and even set a bad example,” it sneers. “You can’t do it! You’ll never be a good mom. Your kids are going to grow up a mess.”
That lying voice tries to convince us that we should be, but will never be, the perfect mom.
And you know what? That voice is right?
- We can’t ever be that Perfect Mom — because she DOESN’T EXIST.
- We can’t raise perfect kids — because THEY don’t exist.
I wasn’t and still am not a perfect mom. And I don’t have perfect kids either. We could have done better, and I sometimes think, “If I could only go back and do it over again, how many things I’d change.” I’d try to be more patient, for sure. I’d admit when wrong, and ask their forgiveness. I’d tell them more often “You’re great, and I love you so!”
But even though I didn’t get it all right, that voice speaks less and less as time goes by.
And that’s because I’ve learned how to answer it. “You’re wrong,” I tell it, “because we did do it!” And I’m sure you can use these same statements to silence that incrimination once and for all!
- They make great friends.
- They’re wonderful people to know.
- They’re kind loving human beings who care about others and try to help them.
- They’re wise and intelligent, knowing how to make wise decisions.
- They’re responsible, law-abiding citizens who contribute to the greater good.
- And most of all, they’re two people who love the Lord and try to be like him.
No, I didn’t always have a perfectly clean house or fabulously prepared meals. I yelled when I shouldn’t have. I often expected too much from little people still learning and growing. I didn’t show as much love and approval as I should have.
But I taught them right from wrong. I taught them that people are more important than things. I taught them that rest and recreation is appreciated all the more after doing our duty. I showed them that there is an order to family, and they knew Dad was the head of the household. I tried to show them how to put others first. And most of all, I taught them that loving Christ and walking with him are worth more than all the world put together.
Moms, you can’t be the Perfect (nonexistent) Mom.
So stop beating yourself up over it. Concentrate on what you’re doing well.
Not that you stop trying to improve or ignore failure. Make things right, and then move on. And remind yourself once in awhile that you’re probably doing better than you think.
We can’t GIVE our kids everything. But then, they don’t need that anyway. And we can’t BE everything for them, because there is only ONE who can do that. But if we’re leading our kids to HIM then we’re really doing the most important thing.
Oh, and that voice?
When it tries to remind me of how impatient I was — I remind it of how patient I’ve become! When it brings out that I didn’t affirm my kids as much as I could have and should have — I remind it that it’s never too late to make up for lost time. And I have the rest of my life to do a better job and set those things right — both with my kids, and my grandkids!